I haven't summed up the energy or focus to write in this blog simply because my life is a mess. Most call me lucky not having anything to do; just laze around at home, get my muscles well atrophied, squashing grapes or 'menganggur' to those who are Malay literate.
The grass is always greener on the other side and for us human beings, we lack faith and grace and humility when it comes to feeling grateful for our own patch of grass. Sure there are times when I can just smile whenever I hear my fellow brothers and sisters complain about their hard day's work and getting peanuts for pay. Sure I can hold it in when someone says I have it easy, just being at home without work to grumble about. But to be perfectly honest, being at home, albeit being surrounded by people I love, isn't all that cracked up to be.
For one, you have WAY too much time to think. Haha, go wise crack about me being able to think somewhere else, thanks. I have a very unsettled mind. I'm unfocused and I'm unwilling to stop thinking. It's like I can have nine thoughts running through my head and it would literally give me a headache. And that's when I'm actually moving around. And now that I have 'time to myself' it is so hard to concentrate on anything and sometimes, I can just lay on my bed, being catatonic.
For the most part, sure I'm absolutely grateful I have no other responsibilities other than say, washing the dishes or doing my own laundry and then there are times when I wish I had something to leave my room for.
I'm twenty-one years old now and I'm unemployed, uneducated and unmarried. If I was living in the 18th century, I would be called obsolete...oh...I still could be called obsolete now? Good to know. Fancy that, I'm obsolete in two centuries.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I do nothing about it. I've tried to look for a job and I found a perfect one but circumstances changed, and I found myself having to give up that perfect job.
Studies? Don't get me started on that. To explain why I can't continue my studies, I'd have to write a book on it. I won't bore you with the details but nothing I want to do, pleases anyone I need to appease.
And marriage? *Chuckles derisively* "Oh yes I'm very interested in you. I'm invested in being with you for the rest of your life." And not even a few months later... "Dude, just met a new girl. She's like way hotter, way better than you you won't believe it." Once is hard enough, let me tell you. But try multiplying it by three. Get my drift? And to those who tell me that any guy would be just damn lucky to have me in their lives, I say to you, you suck. You suck total ducks. If they were 'damn lucky' to have me in their lives, you would think they would try to get in on the action themselves.
Getting my license at this point would be a Godsend but of course...what is my life but one challenge after the other? I am the perfect human example of Sod's Law. Funny that. I'm a sod of law. If the world was Marshall Eriksen, I'd be hearing this: "Lawyered. Of Nature."