My cousin asked this of me:
"Why the hurry?"
If I were to give her a detailed explanation on that small piece of paper, I'd have needed twenty more of that piece of paper to really explain why I was in a hurry.
Not so sure but I think I wrote the answer in this very blog...but never mind. I need to remind myself why anyway.
Looking at my mother, my sisters, a few of my close friends, some of my teachers, my aunts, my cousins...and all I can think of was how jealous I feel whenever they get to caress their husband's face, cuddle in their arms when they have had a bad day, link their fingers with each other when they step out of their houses and lastly, how jealous I feel that they have someone in their life that they can truly and unconditionally depend on.
Yeah yeah, those who believe in women's rights who are reading this please don't bash me. I may sound like some child who has no backbone who needs another person's support in life. So sue me. I am a big believer of marriage. I want to be a young housewife with eleventy seven kids waiting for her husband to come home so that all of us can sit down at the dinner table and eat while talking about our anything under the sun.
Some might think I'm naive to think that marriage can guarantee me safety, security, presence of love and belonging. Maybe I am, but why can't I be? I'm a Muslim and I have read countless of Islamic books that foretell peace and love in marriage and I believe that. Happy marriages in my own circle of family and friends are testimony to that as well.
Women want to believe that they can take care of themselves but deep down they're always going to feel something missing in their lives and for me...I don't want to miss that little something. I don't want to feel inadequate anymore, if you know what I mean.
Why the hurry?
Why not? I'm twenty years old. If I were living in the 40s or earlier, I'd be an old maid already.
Maybe I just don't want to grow old alone; be the weird aunt my nieces and nephews don't want to sit with because she smells like cats.
Meh. I have plenty of reasons but none I can divulge since it's 12 25 am and I am oh so tired.